Linking ethics, my AOL and community (Lens 3)

 Today was another one of those days where I tried researching one thing and ended up down a rabbit hole of areas that link together (let's keep everything crossed I manage to articulate some of it). 

I started today by trying to map out my description of myself and my practice. In trying to produce a one sentence statement about what I do based on what I've done in the past I came up with 

'I am a character actress with an interest in what differentiates theatre characters from screen characters.' 

Then I tried to figure out why I'd ended up here, after all, my training began with dance and progressed to singing, with acting being the final tool I added to my arsenal. I tell myself regularly that it's because I love acting, and I do, but I love musical theatre in equal measure. Also, why specifically a character actor? The Collins Dictionary defines a character actor as 

"An actor who specialises in playing unusual or eccentric people."(1)

After several minutes of being honest with myself and lots of arrows linking words like 'ethics' and 'vulnerability' I realised I have pigeon-holed myself as a character actress because the general attitude of our industry has told me I can't be anything else. 

If a casting director were to intentionally exclude certain auditionees from being considered for a non-race specific role just because they weren't white it would be considered ethically wrong, so why, historically, is it okay for auditionees to be automatically disregarded from a role because they might not be considered 'thin'?  Equally not casting someone because of their sexual preferences would be frowned upon, yet not casting someone because of their body shape frequently happens. In fact it was discovered that 'nearly two thirds of performers have been asked to change their physical appearance for work'(2)

I am a curvy size 12 and I have been pretty consistently since I was 16 years old. A size 12 is something that many women outside the industry consider to be a 'goal' or 'target' size and yet in theatre I am considered plus size, and I think I realised relatively early that this was going to exclude me from anything dance-based and actually, most other things too. 

Body positivity activist and dancer Roanna Mitchell wrote a journal article on the aesthetic labour of a studying actor and states 

"their 'acceptance and expectation of discrimination' on the basis of their physicality, are predicated on a deeply embedded and embodied conceptualisation of the Body as Servant".(3)

Anyone who has studied performing arts of any kind understands how much the body can be pushed to do for us, but why does that mean we have to accept being judged on it before our talent gets through the door? 

Roles for plus size girls in theatre do exist, such as Tracy Turnblad in 'Hairspray' or Helen in 'Fat Pig' but these shows seem to feel the need to draw attention to the fact that their leading lady is curvacious. If theatre is to emulate real life then why is there not more flexibility in the casting process? Surely 'average' or 'plus sized' people going to the theatre would like to see themselves represented, in some small part, on the stage? I understand that for some shows it comes down to the importance of the physicality for example in 'Cats' or 'A Chorus Line', but for the most part it shouldn't matter what size a person is. 

Roanna Mitchell believes that 'human beings long to be part of a community'(4) (something I found Brené Brown related to vulnerability also) and so isolating yourself only locks you into a cycle of self-hatred. Mitchell says that 'becoming part of a community is one of the most radical things that we can do in the face of the exploitation of our bodies'(4). But what if the community you have chosen to embed yourself in are the very people that suggest that how you look affects your ability to execute your job well? 

I am using vulnerability as one of my AOLs (Areas of Learning) and I am aware that something that has always made me feel vulnerable is my shape. Taking part in things at college seemed to have higher stakes for me than for the other girls, because I felt as though everyone was waiting for me to fail (of course, they weren't but this is how our vulnerabilities manifest themselves as anxiety and shame, as mentioned in my previous blog). I began to realise that this sensitivity around how I look is what subconsciously underpins my decision to try and progress further into acting, while steering away from musical theatre. I think I have been made to believe that I won't have a successful enough career if I try to advance in musical theatre, after spending most of my time at college being told I'm 'too big' or 'not big enough', or even that I'd have to wait until I'm older to play the 'mum roles'. 

I love acting, and I'm lucky to be able to pursue a career that I love, but I find it frightening and sad that girls like me, who have grown up with the same passion for their entire lives cannot find acceptance in an industry with such a huge influence in the world. I tried to figure out if this vulnerability just affects me within my practice, or if it has come to affect who I am as a person. I realised I cannot have one without the other, because my practice has become who I am, therefore this attitude within the industry is part of who I am and what my practice is. 

"If you try to assemble your body to fit the instruction manual that our culture currently offers us then you're doomed to a constant sense of failure."(4)

 

(1)'character actor'. Collins Dictionary. 2021. https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/character-actor . Last accessed 4th March 2021. 

(2) Masso, G (2019). Body-Shamed: Two Thirds of actors told to change their appearance for work, survey reveals. Available: https://www.thestage.co.uk/news/body-shamed-two-thirds-of-actors-told-to-change-their-appearance-for-work-survey-reveals. Last accessed 22nd Feb 2021

(3) Mitchell, R. (2014). Seen but not heard: an embodied account of the (student) actor's aesthetic labour. Theatre, Dance and Performance Training. Volume 5 (Issue 1), p 59-73.

(4) Undermining the merchants of body hatred | Roanna Mitchell | TEDxWarwickSalon (Feb 25th 2015) YouTube Video, added by Tedx Talks [Online]. Available at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFqZOzrEyiM. Last Accessed 2nd March 2021.